un.
at first you think it’s great that you are talking to him again, but then you start talking about things that happened before, bringing back old memories, and then you realize how much you really miss him and you get to thinking that you really want him back, but you remember he doesn’t need you like you need him, and it hurts.




deux.
it's just so hard to wait around for something that you're not even sure is actually going to happen. but you can't seem to give up when you know it's everything you've ever wanted.





trois.
i miss you. i do. i love you. everyday i wake up and i have this pain in my chest. and sometimes i just sleep in because i know when i wake up, you're not going to be there.





quatre.
i planned to say all these terrible things to you, but in the end, i just want to tell you i miss you. there was never a moment i tried to remember you, because there was never a moment i forgot you.





cinq.
sometimes i hope we're still friends when i get married. i hope that i'll invite you to my wedding and you'll come. then you'll see me as the happiest girl in the world. you'll see me with a guy who treats me right and loves me more than himself. you'll see all you could've had and you'll regret letting me go, but the thing i want you to see the most is that i survived without you.





six.
i have never been strong enough to stay. people say that walking away is the hardest thing to do, but it isn’t. staying, even when you know it will break your heart, is the hardest thing. staying right where you are, waiting for your entire world to be ripped into pieces is much harder than walking away and starting a new one.





sept.
i never want to lose you. you don’t understand how important you are to me. you’re my best friend, my whole life. you, you’re the reason i wake up with a smile on my face, the reason why i started singing in the shower again. and i don’t just throw around words like that. i think i’m in love with you. completely and irrationally. for me to say something like that is very rare; love doesn’t usually come this easily for me. you must be someone very rare. don’t go, don’t leave now.




huit.
.you know i used to spend every day thinking about you and dreaming about you, and every time you walked by i lost myself, do you know what that feels like? and you couldn't possibly know what it feels like to have that person not have the same feelings back. look, i'm sorry if you miss the way i looked at you, but i don't miss the way you never looked at me.





neuf.
i'm staring at your photograph, remembering all those times you made me laugh. i never thought it would end this way. that i'd still be missing you, to this very day.





dix.
the tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention, that sometimes your heart takes you places you shouldn't be, places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring, and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending. and that's not even the difficult part. the difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal, and you go into the unknown. and once you do, you can never go back.





onze.
Sometimes you have to test someone. Not because you don't trust them, but to see how much they'll sacrifice for you. And sometimes you have to let them go; not because you suddenly stopped loving them, but to see if they love you enough to come back.





douze.
I used to think I needed you in my life.I used to think you were the only one who could make me happy, but I was wrong.I was so wrapped up in you that I almost forgot, I survived without you, and I still can. It's just a matter of getting used to the idea.





treize.
I'm sitting here all by myself just trying to think of something to do. Trying to think of something, anything, just to keep me from thinking of you. But you know it's not working out, cause you're all that's on my mind. One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind.





quatorze.
And I’m sorry, but it's just how you feel. I'm sorry you can look at me and see forever. I'm sorry you don't trust that I don't see anyone but you. I'm sorry you think the world is out to get you. I'm sorry you’re scared of losing me. And I'm sorry you don't want to put your heart on the line. But if you just could, maybe you'll see it too. That maybe, just maybe we are meant for each other.





quinze.
You know, sometimes we make decisions about our life and they feel like the right decision at the time. No, they are the right decisions at the time. But that doesn't mean they'll be right decisions forever and you know what I've realized as I've gotten older? There isn't a definite right and wrong anyway. Sometimes we do what seems wrong but we have good reasons for doing it so it's not so wrong after all.





seize.
always hold your head up high, even if on the inside, you're about to cry. pretend that nothing's wrong at all. close your eyes before you fall. if you can't see it, it's not there. this is life and it's not fair.





dix-sept.
forgetting you will be impossible. you impacted my life in a way no one can describe. and i'll still love you, even though you're gone.





dix-huit.
Before, my fear was being vulnerable. The ability of another human being to possibly tear apart your insides at any moment was enough to keep me running. He, however, made my insides come alive, my smile become permanent, laughter more frequent- he took away my fear and gave me hope. But more importantly, for the first time in my life, instead of wanting to run, he gave me every reason to stay.





dix-neuf.
the days will always be brighter because he existed. the nights will always be darker because he's gone. and no matter what anybody says about grief and about time healing all wounds, the truth is: there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken.





vingt.
I want you to have your heart broken. To have it hurt so bad you can barely breathe. When you see that person, I want you to feel like you are being pushed off the earth. When you see that person, I want you to have to leave, because being around them, it’s the worst pain. Knowing you love them, but you can’t have them.